Belief

Breathe in the atoms of faith
And breathe out the escence of hope
For there will always be a tomorrow
 always be a chance
  always be a possibility
   always be an opportunity

But only if you hold fast today
In the face of fear, anxiety and hopelessness
When you are stalked by the black dog
The demons that keep you from your slumber

Take a moment, just a moment
Breathe in

   
       breathe out


You can do this
All of you can do this.

On Free Will

The conversation around the concept of determinism isn't whether it's true or not, that's boring. Of course it's true. That's a fact whether you you try to argue it neurologically or through physics. The conversation should be centered around two questions. One: If free will does not exist, then does quality exist? And two: Does it even matter if we are free or not at the end of the day? The second question being the easiest of of the two to answer, so we will begin with that. If I find two people who are the opposite one another. The first being someone who is ambitious, out going and strives to achieve the goals they set. The second is someone who is terribly depressed, makes little effort and has no real goals. If I were to tell each of them that free will does not exist and go into great detail as to why, to ensure that each understood, what do you think would happen? I have no doubt that the ambitious person, even if interested in the concept, will not allow it to affect their life in any way. They will most likely even just brush it off and continue about their day. However if I was to do the same with the other person, they may use it as reason as to why their life is the way it is. They may incorporate it into their thinking and wonder 'why bother?' when thinking about their ambitions. So in the end the determinists and the libertarians and the compatibilists can argue over the various points of free will, but at the end of the day to the average person, it doesn't matter. And as I have mentioned before, makes for a very boring discussion.
 It is only when we incorporate the idea of quality that a more worthwhile discussion can be had. If quality does not exist within the universe natrually and only comes into being through intelligent life. And if free will does not exist, meaning that living organisms are just another part of the universe no different than the burning sun or the ebbing ocean, then can quality exist? That rock formation no matter how beautiful or majestic has no essence of quality, the formation just happened to end up that way due to time, erosion and other natrual forces. Nothing of quality went into creating it and as a result it cannot embody quality. However if we take a finely made dining table made by a craftsman. Then something that had no quality before, in this case wood, is infused with the craftsman skill, care and desire to create something that can now be said to have quality. But can it not be said that the craftsmans desire to create something only imbues the essence of quality if it is done of free will? Otherwise what is the difference between the craftsman creating a table and erosion creating a rock formation? The bones, muscles and brain that allow the craftsman to act are nothing more than the organic equivalent of the cogs and screws that cause a hand of clock to tick.
 So if we see now that if free will does not exist, than neither can quality. This reasoning may not give an answer to the question "What is the purpose of life in the universe?". But upon removing it we can either discuss other possible options or accept that there really is no difference between us and the ticking clock.

On Choice.

No one has the choice to be born into this world. Freedom is thrust upon them and they are told to go out and do what society expects them to. If they do not wish this life of freedom they are told, tough. Only the weak and selfish make the free choice to leave it. They are told they are free and yet are denied the greatest freedom they have. The choice to exist. To deny deny someone this choice is a crime against the idea of freedom. One is also shackled by the structure of society. You want to travel? No you must work in the factory so you can eat. You want to learn the great knowledge of this world? Only if you burden yourself with debt. You want to hide away from the world and be left alone? You are a parasite on those who take part in society. One is brought into this world without choice, told they are free and then are met with nothing but restrictions and fine print. How many great minds and their work have we been denied because without their choice they are brought into this world in poverty, and then told they must work labor to merely eat. How many tyrants and poor leaders have been thrust upon us because those who were better suited simply did not have the choice?
 Society places restrictions and shackles on those who do not wish the life they have been brought in to, an occurance in which they had no say in. Then it takes away their greatest freedom. I say there is no greater crime than to deny the greatest of freedoms to someone who makes it sound of mind. Society treats the person as a cog and one should be able to make the most serious of stands and say "I am no cog."
 No. Maybe there is an even greater crime than this. The crime of murder. To not only deny someone the choice in how they leave this world but also deny them of all other choice. The punishment for such a crime must be severe. Some may call for the death penalty, but I say no. You may take away the criminals ability to make choices ever again. But they will not be around to feel the pain of losing such freedom. The wrong doer should be locked away with as many choices as possible taken from them. Take away any chance they may take for escaping this life. In this prison, let them feel every moment the pain of having their freedom and choice taken from them. Let them live with the pain their victim cannot. This should be the reason a society punishes wrong doers. Not that they have commited evil, but because their acts have taken or had the potential to take choices and as a result, freedoms from others.
 Some have said that death is the greatest freedom there ever was. They are wrong, for there is no choice in death. The greatest freedom is choosing when they death may come.

There was a Lake

Oh what loveliness I see
Odette, beautiful Odette
What curse or ill has befallen thee?
For you are one and then another,
Once the sun has set

The Ephemeral Lingers Here

The ephemeral lingers here
In the quiet, either alone or in a crowd
As you lay awake in bed at night or open your eyes in the morning
The ephemeral lingers here
A smile that was only ever meant for you
Words that were only ever for them
All burned into your mind
Warmth and happiness upon being recalled
Heartache and sorrow every moment therafter
The ephemeral lingers here
Forever a reminder you're no longer there.

Stage Three

I need more time

But you had your time

I need more

There is no more

Of course there's more

Not for you

Please

Your time is over. The universe will continue without you. The sun will rise and set until it expands and consumes the earth. Galaxies will drift apart and time will flow for trillions of years to come, until inifinity itself is cold, dead and dark. 

I just need a moment

A moment? Did you not hear me? Your time is over and in the end, all of it was nothing compared to everything.

Moments are important

To who?

To me, to her

And if you had just one moment more, could you perfectly say what you wanted to say? Do exactly what you wanted to do? Would you ever be satisfied with just a single moment more?

No

Then what would you do after it had passed?

Ask for another.

Phantasmagoria

A dream cast out into infinity
 we dance across the universe of endless possiblity
There is no fear of the vastness before us
 only determination to forge something new
Fire and hunger consume from within
 ambition that can not be stopped

Eyes blink open into the finite
 these four walls enclose me here
Insignificance overwhelms all that I am
 knowing this is the new reality
Ice and and indolence seep inside
 and once again we becomes I

The Valley

I sit upon the stump of an old oak tree
In this once verdant valley
So green and full of life
And warmed by the soft light of the sun

Now the trees are full of rot
The ground but dust and ash
"The leaves were always brown" They say
"The ground was always dead"

I do not understand why they lie
The memory of this land was shared
In the dirt I find a single sprout
This valley will live again.

The Fall

Swaying to music never played
Lost in conversations with people never there
 "Everything will be alright" someone once said
But now there is only madness here

Bourbon on the Shelf

Long desired
 always forbidden
a longing that could never be satisfied

Then a foolish drunken kiss
 "i like you, I have for a long time"
and I knew the pain that kiss had condemned me to
 but her lips tasted of cider and lust

A truth revealed
 an inevitale chaos of heartbreak and pain
"we should stay away from eachother"
 how naive we were

More days of confusion
 and then she's in my bed
the most beautiful creature I have ever seen
 running my hands along her body feels like tracing the outlines of perfection
and as she lies there with me,
 from her sex flows the sweetest honey and wine
I drink until I am drunk
and there in her embrace for the first time in forever
                                                                                           
             
                                                                                               I am safe


"I regret it"
 "please don't go"
"I'm sorry"



only for a day or two and then she returns to me
 I don't know when this pendulum will stop,
but when it does I know it will tear us up
 knowing doesn't make it easier to say no
"you make me happy"

The following weeks hide away some of the happiest moments of my life
 I smile on a train as she reads Frankenstein
 I laugh as she drunkenly stumbles through a Van Gogh art exhibit
 I feel at ease as we talk on the phone every night until we fall asleep with a still open line
 I am filled with love as we take turns reading Slaughterhouse Five to one another in bed
 I see her happiness in her eyes as she wakes next to me and it fills me with joy
 "I don't want to go a moment without you"

Every moment with her is a new dicovery of fascination
 each day I tell myself that she can't possibly become more amazing, more perfect, more everything
and each day she proves me wrong
 but I know how this ends
I would give anything to change how this ends
 don't let this end

 Late one night
  tears are shed
   a phone call is made
     and she is gone back to where she was

 back to where I could not hold her
 back to where I could not kiss her
                                                        make love to her
                                                                                    bring happiness to her
                                                                                                                       

and it is only when she is back there does she tell me
 all the things she did not say
"I fell for you"
"you make my heart full of love"
"I wish you were still here with me"